Letter to Myself

I just discovered a few of my old diaries-- all incomplete, but filled with pages and pages of pain from heartbreak, loneliness, and growing pains. Wow, was I a volatile teen.

I was telling my friend briefly about what I found, and about how interesting it was to read about those emotions and experiences. Not only have I recovered from the pain found in those pages, but I've learned other, better ways to cope and deal with disappointments. She responded, noting how refreshing it must feel to see how much I've changed, and said something that really made me think. What would we tell our 18-year old selves?

I wouldn't discipline myself for feeling those strong emotions. I wouldn't even tell myself I was overreacting or reacting incorrectly. I would mostly want to write words of encouragement, just to give myself just an ounce of hope, that in 5 years, or even 2 or 3, I would be in a happier place. And I would be stronger, wiser, and ready to take on the unknown. Here it goes.

Dear 18 year old Riana,

I know you are hurting and sad. I know you feel alone, scared, and that it isn't going to feel better. I know you feel you are different, a misfit, and that you will never be understood. It really will get better.

In a few years to come, you will find beauty in those differences. You will take pride in yourself-- in the way you analyze things, the way you think about the future constantly, and your sensitivities. You will realize you aren't wrong for having expectations, standards, and the desire to give and receive love.

I know you feel so low right now, but it is a scary time. You don't blend in with the rest, and standing out can feel scary. You feel lost, and that is scary too. But this is how you grow. Feeling pain will someday be the reason you have grown. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, it's true.

For now, don't do anything rash. Try to pause and figure out what you need to be happy. Put yourself first. Be friendly to everyone, but be careful where you put your trust. This is a time for you to learn about who you are, and what you really need to be happy. You might not figure it out right away. But there are ways to make the process easier.

So for now, don't fret. Take good care of yourself. Take advantage of opportunities college offers, and try not to be bothered by being alone at night sometimes.

A few years from now, I promise you will be experiencing happiness, good health, success, kind people, an enriching life, and love-- (most importantly) from yourself, and others.

Now be a good girl and try to take a break from these college guys because they truly haven't a clue what they're doing.

Love,
22-year old Riana

That was hard because I wanted to give myself hope but didn't want to provide a false sense that things could be better right then and there. As I said, I needed to experience that pain and emotion in order to be the strong person I am today.

What would you say to your younger self?